this is not just a confession...

...but I wrote this, for the uncertainties which keep linger around me.

I know that the best problem solver and counselor is the only God, Allah. Which we must always refer to him in any circumstances.

So, without prolong any words let me express this. I am just a girl who is really fragile and need somebody to be loved. From this statement i will explain more. Why? I think the only best-related word is love. I will make another confession. Okay. I am in love now, officially. But that love keep dragging me into a hole which I didn't know where it will stop. I wish it will never ends. I don't care how deep the hole, as long as I don't have to get out of the hole and dig another hole over and over again. Since I am too much being vigilance to myself about being love and to love, I really hope the past must not repeating this time.

I had so much pain to endure in the past. To be remember, this blog was created for the "Aftermath of Aida Nesa". On that time, I was not happy. Really upset. Or to be said, that moment is my doom- which is my friend's word to best describes me. Hell yeah, the moment was over. The strongest girl is created after that. Because of the terribleness of love experience, I grow up, to become the very determined girl.

Back to the 'uncertainties'. Why I have to be in uncertainties when someone come into my life, offered me his love, to be loved, and loving ourselves in a good pace? Because I just a human being. The strongest girl is just disappeared. Totally. I should say this too. He is the only one who being my first attempt to be approach by me which I never do to anyone else. Its a simple calculation where I just found about it. When I see a person(read: man) in a somehow not-so-good in their feelings, and I see the chances is bigger for me to be into him, I will be there for him. But why I move like this? Easy. I have being broke once(or twice), and I know how does it feel. But to getting know about someone is not easy. You have to channel yourself into themselves. Once I know my feeling is good, and it is reasonable, I will continue. Until the feeling strikes upon us. Naturally.

But then when the uncertainties comes??

I have a good friend. He is the one who always by my side, although he is not around that much. Still I do not ask his intention why he keep checking-up for me even though he know I am someone's, and this is really bothering me. As a typical girl, I always asking myself. What if he was the one who I searched for all this time? What if he save the feeling, not to be told because he feel sorry for how his life turned right now? Oh okay, there are actually many kind sort of 'what-if' question in my mind about him which I don't really want to mention here.

Then comes to this Deja-Vu thingy. I don't believe in a sequence of fortune/coincidence which I treat them as a fate only. But this time it happens. So frequent. Until I get tired to think what next. I feel like live in a forceful mind which directing me to some point where I already seen it. This is uncool, dude. This deja-vu thing will be keep secret in my mind. Only someone who close to me knew it. Okay at this point, if you read this, you may simply said to me..."don't worry la. semua ni kebetulan je. kau je fikir banyak sangat sampai kau nak sedih-sedih apesal...". That's just your point. And I got my own reason to think much. You know why? Because this is my life, and i am responsible for it. 

Crap!

I can't continue writing. Next time perhaps. :(